Well, I think I chose to write tonight because it's a bit of a sad night. So if you're looking for upbeat, go on youtube and cherchez for cute kittens or skater boys hurting themselves is more your thing, go there. I'm sure whatever your fetish/funny bone requirements are, youtube can accommodate you. (www.youtube.com)
But yeah. So tonight was sad.
We got a phonecall tonight about 8pm that my brother answered because he likes to answer the phone and it was my great uncle Joe from Morpeth looking for my dad but he didn't leave a message. Joe is my dad's uncle by marriage and his wife, Norma is my dad's aunt.
So a couple of hours went by and I was speaking to Kurt from Oz who was telling me he was at his Nan's (who I was staying with in Australia - my dad's aunt - Norma's sister - also, my gran's sister) and he said that she'd just found out that her sister had died.
So I was panicked thinking that he meant my gran. That was my first thought. So I was worrying and my Aunty Cherry (who I stayed with in Oz) called me and said that in fact it was my Aunty Norma had died. (Just to point out here, I was obviously upset that my Aunty Norma had died, but the fleeting thought that it was my gran was almost paralysing) So I was just shocked. Absolutely shocked. So I went to call my Gran to see how she was and see if she thought I should call my Mum and Dad because they were out for the night and wouldn't be back till later but she told me that they were with her. So that was one less worry. But still. So it's been quite a lot to take in.
I have never personally had a death so close to home and I don't quite know what to think. It's a massive shock for one thing and I'm sad, of course I'm sad, but I find myself worrying more for those around me. My aunty in Australia at this point must just feel so stranded and helpless and she won't even be able to come out to the funeral. My gran is devastated, as you would be, and I just worry for everyone. My dad has, what I call, his "all things for all people" look on his face. It sounds so friggin' corny to say, but he's probably my hero a little bit. He just helps by nature and is a far cry from what his dad was. Which is nice. He's done everything right by his family and continues to do so, and I'm probably more proud of him than he is of me but ho-hum! So he's just there for everyone right now.
Potentially the most worrying aspect of this whole thing is my Nana. My Nana, who is my Dad's Gran and Norma's mum, is 94, 95 almost and she doesn't even know yet. My Gran thought that it was Joe's mum who had died so told her that she had died. So now my Gran and my Dad have the unenviable task of delivering this horrible piece of news to my Nana that her daughter has died. How do you even go about doing that? When you stand back and think what a horrific piece of news that is to deliver, how do you do it? It doesn't even bear thinking about.
They've said I can't go to the funeral. Which I should probably be grateful of, but I feel like I should go. I didn't see her that often; once or twice a year if you're lucky maybe. But still, I think it's a mark of respect to want to go and pay your respects because you're able to. It just seems like a common decency.
So this news has hit pretty hard. I just hope that everyone pulls through and can move on with their lives, remembering her and knowing that wherever she is, she's happy and healthy and smiling.
Thanks for listening.
Goodnight.
Paul xx
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